Life would be unbearably dull if we had answers to all our questions. - Jim Butcher

"There are bad things in the world. There's no getting away from that. But that doesn't mean nothing can be done about them. You can't abandon life just because it's scary, and just because sometimes you get hurt." - Jim Butcher

Dear Andrew,

Today was not an entirely awful day, but I wouldn't call it a good day, either. It was one of those rare days when I wished whole-heartedly that I had someone to come home to. Someone who would wrap me in a blanket and tell me -whatever was upsetting me- we would take care of it. Someone who would let me be tired, let me cry, let me be a pain in the ass because everyone deserves to have that once in a while. Especially when they have been really, really good about not being/doing any of those things for as long as they could stand it.

I love my family and friends, but as I live alone and I don't really want to get back into that awful, scary thing we call the dating world right now, I do not really have anyone to share the burden of everything from everyday chores to the results of catastrophic events. I can always call someone and get sympathy, advice, etc and I would never take that for granted. At the same time, it is just exhausting to have to suddenly learn how to deal with a bad situation and go through it mostly by yourself. It is an excellent chance to learn and, boy, have I learned a lot, but forgive me these moments of weakness where I just wish there was someone else here who shared in the decision-making. Someone else whose input I was required to listen to. I'm aware I'm having a typical "grass is greener" moment. But I have been dealing with the fallout from an apartment fire (not my fault, thankfully) for about five months now and I would give just about anything to see the end of it. Short of that, send me someone to make me some hot chocolate and occasionally run to the store when I really don't feel like it, but am in desperate need of something. I would just about kill for that right now.

Reasons to be happy tonight:

I have tonight and tomorrow night off, so I can sleep as much as I want, get all my laundry done and watch all the movies I rented from Netflix (all in a row, if I choose).

I had a nice breakfast this morning at one of my favorite restaurants with my dad and stepmom. It was nice and peaceful.

My dad and I also want to Genova Delicatessen (a treat I allow myself very rarely due to the expense and the fattiness of the food I tend to buy there). The Walnut Creek location always make me smile, I've been going there since I was a kid. In fact, my brother got thrown out once for pretending that the dry pasta in the bulk bins was pirate treasure. Don't worry, this wasn't recent.

I have the world's most comfortable red couch. And I'm going to spend the rest of the night on it.

I have leftover Indian food in the fridge.

And, of course, if I really want to make my own day, I can start looking at tickets to Arizona and give you a call this week about a visit. That would make me very happy.

Jae